Archive for May, 2012

A loner, by choice and happy..

Posted in Uncategorized on May 27, 2012 by beautifulsaint

I love my life. I love who I am. I appreciate everything in life and see the beauty in everything. Even with immense heartbreaking back stabbings, I see them as a vaccines that make me a stronger person (hopefully not use to prepare me for a worse breakup haha one is enough). I usually am happy.

Although I think I have depression (self-diagnosis here) because sometime I get a strong wave of sadness for no reason. It lasts a couple hours then I’m back to the happy me again. It’s very strange.

The problem is… as much as I love my life right now. I really don’t love the way people think of me. I’m not really an antisocial, I just like to do things alone. I shop, go to movie, eat at a fancy restaurant…. Alone…. After school or work, I don’t like to hang out with my friends. In fact, I find it’s a duty and a tedious chore when I go out with them, just so I don’t look like a nerd with no friends.

I am a pretty lady, I have a lot of attention from the guys. But because of my lack of interest in them and my friends, I was often called the stuck up girl. And because of my love for doing things alone, I become the weird stuck up girl. Some people actually feel sorry for me when they see me alone at the movies or a restaurant.

It’s annoying because I’m happy and yet either people feel sorry for me or think they’re better than me (I’m very competitive) because I’m a loner. And it’s so stupid that people don’t think it’s right for an attractive girl to lead a lonely life (apparently it’s normal for an ugly girl to lead a lonely life?)

Actually I’m here to hopeful get some encouragements. I am proud of myself. I’m a good person; I never think I’m better than anyone. I have goals and passions. And I feel I’m having a pretty good life. But my mom understands. ;-D

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Everyday!!!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 3, 2012 by beautifulsaint

When I wake up every morning.
When the mind and the heart switches on.
When my whole being catches a glimpse of the new day ahead.
When yesterday feels like a long time ago.
When tomorrow feel like a life time to come.
When my brown eyes meet the sun rays and I appreciate the beautiful fresh breeze.

After a silent prayer of thanks giving to our Father in heaven.

My heart and mind registers.
The wonder begins, love grows by an inch, unanswered questions pile up.

Then I remember, hope and faith is all I have.
I’m holding on to the most basic of memories.
That’s it.
That’s all I have.
My undying love for you,
Unanswered questions,
Memories!!!!

That’s all I have to carry with me daily.

But, when did I fall in love with you?
When did it all happen?
Why wasn’t I warned about this?
How come I don’t remember the day it all started?
When did it happen?
Why is it happening?
How do I make it stop?

I know why it hurts, it hurts, and I know why.
You are unavailable.
You are unavailable emotionally.
It all stopped for you when it all began for me.
I’m standing here looking in from the outside.
I’m standing here, but all I want is to be over there.
At one point, you did make me believe that I can sing along to your melody.
But you went and changed the words.

I’m all confused.
In love and confused.

It is what it is!!

XO XO